DARKNESS to LIGHT

I finished my practical sessions and came out of the college. I was heavy-hearted. Darkness filled my heart. No thoughts in my mind. Total PITCH DARKNESS. I could not see anything. Total vacuum. I was not walking, but dragging my feet. I had no clue where I was going.

It was winter. So, the days were short, and it became dark quite early. Very gloomy as was my heart. I saw only the blackness in the sky. I could not see the stars. The entire vacuum in my mind was filled with darkness. I walked along the crowd on the road. If they stopped, I also stopped. We then came at a road crossing. The signal light was red. I sighted a big hoarding nearby. It read.

“JOIN ARMY. TODAY COUNTRY NEEDS YOU.”

And these lines pushed me into the ocean of depression. Suddenly, the road sign turned green. The crowd started walking. I also started walking, with my head down.

Somebody put his hand on my shoulder. He asked, “Have you seen Khandekar?”

Just to answer him I said, ”No”. Not interested in knowing who was asking. How would I know about Khandekar? Can one notice some person in darkness?

I heard some announcements on the public address system and realised I was on a railway platform. In a short time, a train arrived. I boarded the train without thinking. I stood near the door only. The train started. The cool breeze started biting my ears. I found it annoying. I stared outside but could not see anything. Total vacuum.  

After some time, the train stopped. A few people got off, a few boarded the train. I did not move. The lights on platform glowed brightly except one which flickered. It was writhing in pain. Probably one of its ambitions was not fulfilled!

Uncontrollably I got down from the train. I took the stairs, got off the bridge without thinking. Traced the road along with the public. I crossed a few squares, lost in my vacuum mind.

I felt like drowning deep into an ocean of depression. So deep that the ray of hope won’t ever reach me. I was walking. Soon I entered a chawl. Climbed two floors up. Came up to my room. Took out the key and opened the lock. Pushed the door open. Entered the room. Put on the light. The room was illuminated. Took out my clothes. Changed into house clothes. The tiffin from the mess was waiting for me. But I did not pay attention to it. I sat on the cot. Was not in a mood to even study.

I remembered the flickering light on the platform, it was writhing in pain.

Slowly, I remembered my house in the village —

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“Are you going to send Satish to Mumbai for higher studies? He secured good marks in SSC.” My school teacher asked my father.

“Yes. Of course. We are thinking on those lines. But we are not able to resolve the problem of his staying. Few colleges in Mumbai have hostels but they seem to be full. One of my friend’s relatives informed us. We are looking for a rented room.”

“There is no shortage of money for you. If you give some, one can get a good room.” Teacher said.

“All this property is for Satish only. As such, studies are not necessary for my son. He does not have to work to earn.”

Through the efforts of my teacher, I hired a room in a chawl and got admission to a college. Next, I started packing my bags to move to Mumbai. My mother was upset. She was worried about my separation from her. My father told her, “This is just a matter of 5 years. After completing his education, Satish will be back and will stay with us forever. Moreover, he will be with us during Diwali as well as during summer vacation. After he completes his education, we will start a factory and Satish will be here managing that. So have patience.”

And I came to Mumbai. I adapted to the new environment of the college, made friends. My interest in studies increased, soon five years flew away, I got my Engineering degree.

After that, someone suggested completing a six-month post-graduation course which would help me in managing the factory. I talked to my father about this. Very unwillingly, after a lot of persuasions he agreed and said “Satish, I must see you here the next day at end of your exam.  Promise?”

“Yes, Baba. I will be there the very next day.”

I joined the course and attended it regularly.

Meanwhile, China attacked India. State of Emergency was declared. Once I met my professor from the college. He suggested joining the army. He said “If you don’t join services now when our country needs you, your education is worthless.”

I was influenced by his talk, I decided certainly to join Army. I thought of my parents and wrote a letter to my father asking for his consent to my decision.

Immediately I received his reply.

“Dear Satish,

I was very much upset to know about your idea. Do you think you know so much that you can take your own decision? I have given you so much education. Is it only for sending you to Defense Forces? The country is in danger. But are you the only young man in this country? Don’t be over-wise. We have pinned all our hopes on you. Your mother has so many plans for you. Are you going to bring them down by such a decision? Nothing doing.  You come down home immediately. Forget about the current course you have joined. I must see you here tomorrow. I am waiting for you.

Yours

Baba.

And it crushed all my ambitions.

I saw the letter from my father was staring at me. I picked it up. Read it repeatedly as I lay down on the cot. I did not realise when I was fast asleep.

The next day I went to college early in the morning. I was disoriented, distressed, total lost. Somehow I completed my lecture sessions and returned home.

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Now I was back from the college lying on the cot. I once again read the letter from Baba, and analysed the conflicting thoughts again and again for some time, then I dozed off.

When I opened my eyes, it was dawn.  I got up.  I realised my Baba’s letter was torn into pieces, and thrown in one of the corners of the bed. I was disgusted with my father’s selfish thought. But I realised, I was not disappointed now. The sky was getting clear with rays of the rising sun. My mind was also full of bright ideas. I was soaring high. Instead of getting pulled down in the ocean of depression, I was being pushed up.

Quickly I got ready. I satisfied my hunger by having the tiffin of the previous day along with the tea. I came out of the room. Locked the door and started walking briskly looking straight up. My eyes refused to bend down. I was watching hoardings of different products. But I was seeing myself in Army uniform operating some big weapons.  In a short time, I reached the station, boarded the train which arrived in a short time, and got the window seat. The train started. The cool breeze blowing bit my ears. But it was not annoying me.  After a couple of stations, I got off the train, and came out of the platform hurriedly. I did not have to stop at the road crossing as a green signal was waiting for me to come. I reached the Army recruitment center, and entered the office with a new confidence.

Vijay Likhite