The child that I was once!

I wake up this morning and i begin to remember a queerly familiar feeling. The feeling of being a child- reassurance of the warm fuzzy feeling of a normal childhood. I haven’t slept so well in ages. so I think all this began with a good night’s sleep. Then I read ” Sputnik sweetheart’ whiIe having breakfast. A few lines reminded me of my childhood crushes and how intense and unattainable they would feel. At the same time, I’d cherished them each.

This morning was freeing, yet confusing. Why was I suddenly and so vividly picturing pieces of my past, albeit good, warm and normal days! A whirlwind of unrelated memories flood me with the kind of emotions my younger self use to feel,  I can’t really explain it. As I begin to study at 10:00 am, I remember studying for school, doing well, then I remember my best friends house, her verandah, the entrance gate, a swing, sleepovers! I remember my own house and how I ran around finding the next interesting thing to do. No amount of scolding, could put a dent on my spirit or dampen my tenacity for mischief. I remember how great that felt. Eventually, I fondly remember my Grandmother’s house in Kolkata – we used to visit once a year, sometimes more. The feeling of waking up at her home, having breakfast, being scolded by mom for not showing up for tea, and then having nothing to do all day but soak in the humidity, chill at a park and walk around the house wreaking things was one of the best feelings I’ve ever known. That was one of my favourite places to be as a child.

Whether it was that book, or the mellow sun, or something else, I really feel more alive and secure than I’ve felt in a few years. I like that child, the child that I once was who felt no bondage whatsoever, who feared little, always looked for fun and in the end, had an admirably clear vision for the things she desired in life.

And I realise I am her.

Ananya Choudhury